Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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