if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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