Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
