And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
