Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
