what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
