just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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