Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You ruined the universe
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
