shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
