Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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