So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
