he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
