me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My balls are so social today.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
