No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
