just tell him i said nine months
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
