Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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