Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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