My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
