It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
