Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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