Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
