One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize