You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
