remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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