I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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