there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
