I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
