I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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