Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
