Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
