I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
