My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you inspire me to be a worse person
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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