Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
