I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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