Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
