you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
