real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
