Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
