Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize