I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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