so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
