Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
