i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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