the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just google imaged poop.
Quick, to the slutcave!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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