Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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