The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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