Having a random hookup so left but love u
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
