They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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