I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
