She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
