Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
