Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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