So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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