my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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