It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
