so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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