I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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