i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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