he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
