To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
