apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
