Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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