Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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