i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No subtext here. People are naked.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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