Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
