I love black thongs
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
