3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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