No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
